As human beings, we all have a perspective on life, our own vision of the world; the set of principles, beliefs and mental models that allow us to navigate the game of life.
Let's call it Frame.
Every time you gain a new belief or learn something new, you upgrade your frame. Usually, these are things that are somehow close to what you already believe.
However, sometimes, you live through an experience or come across some information that changes you in a more complex and deeper way. It's far from what you expected, in terms of beliefs or experiences, yet, you understand them as being true.
In those moments you break your frame.
If this is good or bad, depends on the impact that the particular experience brings into your life. If done well, having your frame broken is something quite positive. It allows you to do one of the most important things in human life: grow.
Think about it, the moments in your life where you grew the most were the ones when, somehow, you started to see life in a different way. Something pierced the way you perceived reality and made you a more complete person.
Now, one of the best ways to break our frame is with questions.
Questions shine some light in the dark corners of our mind, the uncharted mental territory we all have, while at the same time, allowing for new connections and ideas.
Questions break frames.
And last week, I got mine broken with one single question:
Are we being good ancestors?
It was originally posed by Jonas Salk, an American virologist, responsible for one of the first polio vaccines ever. He asked that question in a 1992 paper, that ended up inspiring a lot of different books, talks and articles. Personally, I heard it in a conversation between Krista Tippet and Robert Macfarlane on the "On Being" podcast.
This is a really powerful question. It made me think deeply about my life and the actions I've been doing. It goes beyond being a good human being, even beyond being a good father or grandfather!
It's asking what will people that we'll never know, say about us.
It's asking if we are the reason why, a kid in 2178 feels inspired, depressed or wronged.
It's asking about the impact we want to have.
So, let's talk about it.
Let's define Impact as having a strong effect on someone or something.
This strong effect can come in many ways and through many vehicles, but in the end, you get down to 3 layers of impact:
On yourself;
On others;
On people you'll never know.
If we align these layers, hopefully, we'll get closer to being good ancestors.
So let's talk about your impact...
...on yourself
Having a big, positive impact on our lives is fundamental. It's the basis of everything else. You, more than anyone in the world, have a strong effect on your life.
Sometimes, too strong…
Every time you partake in a bad habit, engage in any kind of toxic relationship or put yourself down, you're promoting a negative impact in your life.
Your perception of things changes, it gets worse.
You've probably felt it before right? You start your day wrong, which makes you miss your workout, because of it you get angry at work and things just accumulate without you finding a way to get back on track.
Now, the opposite is true as well.
You engage in some positive habits and your perception changes. You'll see the good side of life, build healthier relationships and strive to be better.
Most of the books and courses on the Self-Development space focus on this. Giving you the tools so you can have a positive impact on your own life.
Being self-aware enough to understand the impact of your actions in your own day-to-day life and how that changes your perception, is the first step.
You must develop the practices that allow you to be good to yourself. Only after feeling that your choices are having a positive impact on your life, we can talk about the 2nd layer, your impact…
...on others.
So, you've taken care of the 1st layer.
You're making decisions that are aligned with a better life. Now it's time to look at the impact you have on people around you.
What's your relationship with people around you?
Are you a positive influence on the life of others?
These questions are, once again, directly correlated with your actions.
You're building a business? What's the impact you're having on your customer?
You're developing a skill? How can that impact your close circle of friends?
You wrote an article online? Who could benefit from reading it?
These things can have a huge positive impact on your community! And not only that, but on people that aren't part of your community but, somehow, come across you.
I remember the first time I went to buy groceries in Evora, the city where I went to college. I was 18 and knew nobody in the whole town. Classes hadn't started yet and my housemates were still settling in so I was feeling pretty lonely and sad.
I went to buy some essentials at this small grocery shop. Keep in mind, it was the first time I was entering that place. When I was about to pay, I realized I had left my wallet at home (a 5-minute walk).
I blushed, explained the situation, and said I would be right back but the lady looked at me like I was crazy. She said that I should go home, eat something (it was lunchtime, after all), and only then get back and pay her.
This made my day. It changed the way I looked at the town and the locals.
I went home, got my wallet, run there, and paid her. Later, that lunch felt special. All because of a small deed from someone whom I had never met.
You see, you can make someone's day, just by being nice, like that old lady!
That's it!
Now, some people believe that, when talking about impact, this should be the first layer but I disagree.
You need to think about yourself first. This is not egoism, it's logic.
I remember this mentor telling me that, the only way to serve others is to serve yourself first. If your starting point is thinking about the impact on others, you'll probably start to overthink it. In fact, you may end up making bad decisions [that have a real negative impact on your life], because you're afraid of how others will perceive it [an imaginary negative impact].
That's why you should start with yourself. If you do, you know that your basis to make decisions is already aligned to who you want to become, and you won’t let others and their perception dictate your actions. Once you're aligned, you'll make the decisions that have a great positive impact both in your life and on others as well!
This can be a great force for good.
You gain purpose, a mission.
Suddenly, your journey it's not only about yourself but about others as well. You know that your actions can help others live better lives, and use this as fuel to face the obstacles in your way.
It's not about you, but about your customers, your family, your spouse, or your friends.
Having a mission is a direct sign of the 2nd layer of Impact and it's one of the best ways to feel motivated and fulfilled.
Now, most of the time, we'll end up chilling in the 2nd layer.
I know, I did.
But then, that damn question got me out of it.
So, get ready.
It's time to talk about your impact...
...on people you will never know.
I am aware that, we can have an impact on people we don't know, just by being on the 2nd layer. Your company may help thousand of customers and you won't know them all, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about people who you will never know because, by the time they arrive on this earth, you'll be long gone.
And by long gone, I mean dead.
I started this essay by sharing the question by Jonas Salk:
Are we being good ancestors?
Being a good ancestor means that we're doing things that will have a positive impact on people who we’ll never meet.
This made me evaluate some areas of my life in a totally different time frame. It also made me think about areas that, I usually don't pay much attention to.
Work and personal habits have a positive impact on you and on people around you. But will they have a positive impact on your grandchildren? How about their grandchildren? How can you make sure you'll have a good impact on their lives?
After thinking about it, there were 2 things that stood out for me:
Sustainability and Education.
These are areas where your actions can perpetuate in time and actually have a positive impact on those descendants you'll never know.
While thinking about this, I talked with my own grandfather and asked him about things that his dad or grandfather had done and how did that positively affected his life [and, consequently, mine].
He talked with me about land and school.
My great-grandfather worked every day and saved all the money we could to buy more land. Why? Because land gave you food and space to live. So my grandfather ended up with some different small pieces of land and, even though he gets most of the groceries in supermarkets, these were still fundamental to my own experience growing up. It was on those lands that I've felt what it meant to be in contact with nature.
To be a good ancestor is to make sure that my descendants have that same experience with nature. And to do that, maybe I need to make sure that I put some extra effort into protecting the planet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a guy who throws garbage at the floor or anything, but I can take better care of this planet, and die one day making sure I did what I could to leave Earth in a way that allows my descendants to come in touch with nature the same way I did.
Back to the conversation with my grandfather.
He told me about schools, and how, in those days, going to school was fairly optional but my great-grandfather insisted that he should do it. Well, my grandfather went to school and what he learned helped him build a small shoe factory. It also made him realize how powerful education was, and so, when his children grew up, he made sure that they valued education as well. And guess what? My dad values education [so does my mum, by the way], and that of course, impacted me.
Both of these elements make a great part of who I am today, and they are part of me because, a long time ago, someone I never knew, started to build these foundations.
This made me realize something.
Being a good ancestor is not about changing the world in a big way, but about changing your circle in a small way. Nobody [except for my family] will remember my great-grandfather in 20 or 30 years. However, his impact was huge on my life! He was a good ancestor. A great one, actually!
I'm not saying that you can't build a project that changes the course of the world forever. Go ahead, do it! But bear in mind that, to be a good ancestor, you don't need that. You can have a great impact on future generations just by doing small things. We’ll be unsung heroes, remembered by our descendants as great ancestors. And I don’t know about you but that sounds really good to me.
Because what matters is not being recognized by many, but having someone feel grateful for your choices, even though you made them knowing that you would never live to see the impact that they had.
So I'm curious, what are things you can do today that will make your future descendants want to write an article about?